As a parent, educator, and social anthropologist, I often see the world through the impacts of historical actions, beliefs, and values on people today. In thinking about how we wanted to raise our family, we had to take a moment to ask ourselves, what did we learn from our families about family leadership? The truth is that there was a lot that was great about both my husband and I’s childhoods. He is a military brat who had the unique experience of traveling the world. I was raised by an entrepreneur and a flight attendant, which enabled us to see the world and witness the power of creating and maintaining a business. We also knew that there were some things that our parents experienced that were intentionally not our reality. Both of our families moved away from where they were raised to escape the seemingly inevitable cycle of poverty that would have swallowed them up had they stayed in their hometowns. Our parents were committed to ensuring their children experienced a different upbringing than they did, and in some cases, that helped, and in others, it was a hindrance.

 I can recall my first year teaching middle school and being unaware of the impacts of poverty. I was expressing my frustration with some of the families of my students who either didn’t come prepared with clean clothes or had eaten the night before. My father overheard my conversation and immediately made me put the phone down so that he could explain to me what was happening and that, as a young boy, I would have been describing him and his upbringing. My dad had sheltered me from the realities of poverty, meaning I had no idea what true financial struggle looked or felt like. He did such a good job protecting me from this part of his upbringing. Being the first generation removed from poverty, I had no clue that there were people who struggled to eat. I didn’t know that everyone didn’t have a washer and dryer at home to do laundry anytime or a nanny to do the laundry. I wasn’t aware that some children who didn’t get to live a carefree life focused on nothing more than getting good grades for college acceptance because they had to work and contribute to the family. For a point of reference, I did work in high school, but my focus was paying for my pager and clothes!

 My husband and I were raised “right.” We knew that we had to be respectful of adults and, for the most part, could do the basics of taking care of ourselves once we turned 18. We were raised with the basic principles of being kind to others, and our parents were very particular about what we saw on TV or were exposed to as children. Additionally, as black children in America, our parents also had to let us know about our skin color's differences in our experiences. This part of our upbringing exposed us to views about other cultures and races, some based on truth and some in harmful stereotypes. We also now know that our upbringing lacked critical areas like financial literacy, effective relationship building, and personal leadership outside of that provided in the church. Like many Americans, we had an unusual upbringing and would sing our parents’ praises. Still, when analyzing a bit deeper, we also realize that some key components were missing that would have helped us at specific points in our lives. 

We currently raise our family based on the spirit of Sankofa, which is an African principle of looking back to move forward. By studying and understanding history and people’s varied experiences and responses to it, we can significantly impact the future with humanity as our focus. We believe that part of our role as parents is to heal some generational curses that we notice in our own families and cultures.  To do that, one must first know what types of challenges caused the current condition, which will involve looking critically and analyzing ourselves first—then figuring out how we as parents and families can intentionally do better for ourselves and one another. This is why Family Leadership must be a priority for everyone.

 

Family Leadership is the intentional practice of planning and implementing individual and collective success goals to support raising children, maintaining relationships, and developing skills centered around five focus areas: Home, Personal, Relationship, Financial and Professional/Career Leadership. Each region encompasses several aspects, including crafts, abilities, and beliefs. Together they are known as the 5 Pillars of Generational Family Leadership. They are described in simple terms below and will be expounded upon in the upcoming weeks. An important note is that each of these areas must be explicitly taught, and only one is designed to be supported, not taken over, by the educational system.

 

Home Leadership is the ability to turn a house into a home and maintain it both physically and operationally. It involves running a household, including cleanliness of all areas, maintenance of appliances, organization, budgeting, etc. 

 Personal Leadership is the skills involved in knowing who we are personally and how our personality impacts our relationships with ourselves and others. It is also where we process our connection between ourselves and either high power or the earth as a means Relational Leadership

 Financial Leadership encompasses the learning and skill development necessary to make sound financial decisions and ensure that we know how to make money work in our favor to achieve our financial goals.

Professional/Career Leadership is the only responsibility that usually necessitates the school system's support, which is to equip students with the knowledge, skills, and abilities to earn a living by utilizing their talents for profit.

Relational Leadership is the ability to manage ourselves appropriately in a variety of situations in ways that build connections and bonds with others both inside and outside of the family. This is where we learn healthy ways to have, resolve, and move on from conflicts with others, and, like all other areas of leadership, we must be taught, nurtured, monitored, and supported.

Imagine what would be possible if we, as parent leaders of our families, were strategically intentional about our development and our children in these 5five focus areas, also known as the 5 Pillars of Generational Family Leadership.

Growing UpFamily Leadership5 Pillars of Generational Family Leadership